I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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