I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
