Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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