There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
