Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just high enough for therapy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
