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The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
