she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
