My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
