Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
