Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
