don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
