i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
