Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
pray to the hookup gods
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
