had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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