Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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