went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
