You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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