Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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