you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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