I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
