i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
