i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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