Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
