Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
