i will never coherently bang her
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
