He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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