I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
