Ambien. No doubt about it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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