i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
