Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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