we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
