The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
