we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
