I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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