we're chasing vodka with high fives
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i dont even know how to be here
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
