i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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