she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
