btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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