we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
