i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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