shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I AM VODKA MAN
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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