I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
