I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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