So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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