I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
