I need to stop coming to work sober
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
