I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
