You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
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