guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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