I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize