You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
