Porn is love you can see.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
