went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
