I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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