I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
