If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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