We're like a lot better than the average bears
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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