Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
