why do cheetos always look like penises
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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