yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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