I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
