so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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