Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
