she woke up with a sticky ear
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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