So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
