I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
