Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
