If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
