U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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