im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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