Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
