Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
