so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
