this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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