So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
