My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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