Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
