i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
