Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
