who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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