Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
