omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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